Last Sunday on Mother’s Day, I awoke around noon and was greeted with a fantastic breakfast (that means BACON), fresh coffee, gorgeous pink Gerber daisies (my favorite) and the sweetest little treasures from my children.

Accompanying the gifts from my daughter was a card/drawing she made at school that touched my heart—but also made me scratch my head a bit (see highlighted parts).

It read:

I love my mommy sooooo much! Her name is Janet. She is fun and pretty. We like to go to the mall and buy clothing together. It’s fun! Sometimes she plays board games with me. My mommy is a great cook, too. My favorite meal she makes is tater tot casserole. My mom makes dinner, does laundry and cleans the house. I’m glad she takes good care of me.

Is that not the sweetest thing you’ve ever read? I know. It is.

The only thing I don’t understand why she makes me sound like a housewifey mall rat who favors food from the Michelle Duggar cookbook of white trashy recipes?

Allow me to elaborate…

We never go clothes shopping at the mall. Well, actually, I did recently take the kids with me when I went hunting for a purple shirt to wear for the March for Babies but seriously, before that, I can’t remember the last time I dared to take the kids clothes shopping with me. I’M NO MASOCHIST!

Also? I DID a made tater tot casserole — ONCE — but only because I happened to have all the ingredients and I really REALLY didn’t want to make burgers or meatloaf again. It was okay but nobody seemed all that jazzed about it. Yes, I noted the recipe while watching “18 Kids and Counting”  but hello? Tater Tot casserole? That’s just embarrassing and frankly not the sort of thing I’d want the whole world to know about — not including YOU , of course — because I trust that we will never speak of this again. RIGHT???

It was really very generous of my daughter to say I’m a great cook but just like that business about cleaning and doing laundry? It’s kind of not accurate. I’m a bad cook and I really try NOT to clean or do laundry. Must be wishful thinking on her part… Poor kid.

Don’t get me wrong. I thought T’s card was beyond awesome. She said all those nice things (factual errors aside), which I loved—but you have to admit…it’s comedy gold.

Now that part about being fun and pretty?  TOTALLY TRUE :)

This is funny as hell… If you like Andy Samberg and Seth Rogen, you’ll love it. If you think Andy Samberg and Seth Rogen are the most annoying people on the planet, well, you STILL might like it but in the unlikely event that you hate it, don’t blame me. I just work here.

I force my children to watch Mystery Diagnosis with me every day. Okay…I don’t FORCE them, as in tying them up and propping their eyelids open with toothpicks, but I turn it on and if they don’t want to watch it? Too bad because Mystery Diagnosis is the most awesomely awesome show on TV (aside from Gossip Girl and Trust Me—which is awesome because it’s awesome and also because Tom Cavanagh, whom I used to regard as somewhat lizardy looking, is totally cute)

I hate, hate, HATE the term “make love” as well as any variation of it.  It just sounds so…gross. Does that make me weird? Maybe it does as I think I’m also the only woman on the planet who does NOT get all squiggedy over the word “panties.”

Panties, panties, panties! Take off your PANTIES!

Hah! Not a single shudder.

But that other one… YICKETY YICK YICK YICK.

There’s only one exception to the never say ‘make love’ in my presence rule and it’s this song.

And finally, there’s only one more episode until I’m all caught up with Doctor Who. Am sad. But for the love of all things good and decent, do NOT tell me what happens. Also? Harboring a teeny an unspeakably  huge crush on David Tennant.

That is all.

Well,  hello there!

I’ve been engaged in a mad sleep-a-thon. A sleep-off, if you will. And guess what? I WIN. Because I have undoubtedly slept more in the past three days than ANY of you. And that’s why I feel ALIVE! This sleeping business… It really is something to marvel at because when you get enough of it? You feel SO. MUCH. BETTER.

You see, without going into too much detail, I’ve been dealing with an issue that has turned my whole life upside down and this issue, which is not completely resolved as of yet, has stressed me out to the nth degree and apparently, my body and mind revolted and decided I should sleep. And sleep I did. And I feel trés awesome today. HAPPY EVEN!

But? I’m camping with Brownies this weekend and I’m feeling very apprehensive about that. I don’t know why, though. Even last year, when I had both my period AND a raging sinus infection, I still had fun. Well, minus the snoring…

Someone snored like a freight train. I didn’t sleep a wink and my daughter cried because she couldn’t sleep either. So there we are, whispering in the dark about the snoring while she cries and I debate setting my ears on fire. That part wasn’t fun.

Soooo…I went online today and bought some earplugs made especially to block out snoring—a pair for my daughter and a pair for myself. All I can say is they better work because I paid a small fortune to make sure they’re here before we leave on Friday.

And if they don’t…the person with the pillow over their face?  Won’t be waking up the next morning.